Sometimes working for myself is hard, I’ve had to do a significant amount of re-programming.

 

I started my career as a ward clerk, making sure a respiratory ward had notes, and all the ancillary stuff it needed to run. I then tried 9-5 in an office. This did not work out well. Then I went to be an HCA, a care assistant in said respiratory ward, then elderly care, then the Emergency department, followed by nurse training, then emergency nursing, rehab, and finally before I started working 1-2-1 with people. Rural minor injuries nursing. Working towards being a practitioner.

 

Where I excelled with dynamic moving environments that had fixed rules to follow, with an ever-changing workload. The common parts were unpredictability and a sold set of standard operating procedures. This is great, my way of thinking and working fit well into this dynamic. Until the workload got too big and I broke down.

 

I moved my focus into being self-employed. Nursing gave me a whole host of skills that are super useful for working with people. I’m good at reading peoples body language, and those little signs that show me where the pain is. I learned to not judge, and deal with the situation in front of me. The coaching training, I got myself served to enhance the training and experience I got from being a student nurse mentor. I felt I was good at that, and the feedback I got, said so too.

 

The struggle I came across in self-employed-ness is that I am response driven. A manifesting generator if you follow human designs.  A great asset in a system that drives people to me. Like minor injuries, or the emergency department. The problem I faced was that I’ve been very conditioned to wait for the next thing. Going to look for casualties or encouraging them to come to the ER is frowned upon. This, was and is a massive whole in being self-employed. As you might imagine.

 

Part of what I really enjoyed about nursing was stopping people being in pain and providing solutions. Pain I see as an acute response to your body and mind telling you something is wrong. Be it a bee sting, the alligator eating your foot, the grief at the loss of your loved one, or the pain of failure. The super important part of this is that pain is an acute right now warning.

 

I know lots of people who experience chronic pain are going to slam their computer shut and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. You may be right, and I’m in no way taking from your experience, which I guess can be a freaking awful one. Please give me the chance to explain.

 

Our bodies and minds follow pathways. Like roads. In the example I started with, I’ve got a 20-lane freeway running through my neurology that says, ‘wait for things to come to you, and then help them’. Great in the emergency department, not so great in being a coach or an author. I’ve spent the last few years, especially during the panny d trying to wean myself off that motorway. Onto the disused dirt track that represents that ‘marketing mind set’ pathway in my mind. This is great, if you’ve ever driven down a dirt track you know it takes more concentration and focus, plus you can’t go very fast. The freeway however, its an autobahn, I can go as fast as I want, and there is no traffic. The pathway for marketing is hard for me to access, it requires a considerable effort and constant attention. The other, cruise control.

 

The same is for pain, the pain pathway is open, let’s use it. Training our bodies to use the dirt path of ‘this is a wrong sensation’ not the pain autobahn, is hard, very hard. As pain sucks your will to do anything.

 

So what am I doing?

 

Well, I’m doing things that are making that dirt track more appealing to my neurology. The same way as I’d train a puppy. When I get my mind to follow the process of seeking clients, not responding to a question, I give myself a treat. Sometimes an experience, sometimes trifle. I’m moving towards experiences, as trifle is affecting my waistline. I treat my mind like a puppy or a toddler. If I want my puppy mind to do a thing, I give it a treat when it does. I personally don’t respond well to punishment. Some do, do you boo.

 

My difficulty in selling myself is me not having a pathway that I can access easily.

 

Not just the marketing pathway. The tasking pathway. Self-tasking is a thing that in the ED/ER was governed by protocol, xyz jobs had to be done. Each patient had to have specific tests done etc. In self-employed land, this self-tasking is dependent on me. And again, not a skill I’ve learned, and I’m currently struggling to learn. Again, the road analogy above.

 

Soldiers have special training to help them self-task when they de-mob. Or so I’ve heard. Having just written that sentence, I’m going to go look to see if that training is available online anywhere.

 

This Self-Task skill is one that is also hampered by my specific brain, I’ve a ‘Neuro Divergent’ brain. Meaning things like organisation and prioritisation are not my strong suits. In the Emergency Department this is not so much of a problem, as the tasks were very documented, and set. Maybe in the ones I worked in due to the fact the lead nurses were all ex-military, or military. My mind is one that sees a task, and it instantly becomes a priority. That email that came in asking for a feature for a magazine in Slovakia? Exactly the same importance as posting the rune art that has been sitting on my desk since the 2-2-22 energy. What gets done? The email, as its right in front of me. And then writing that feature takes all day. And the package sits for another day.

 

The package is currently in front of me judging me. I moved it there, so I’d actually do it.

 

What I’m trying to say is that our brains, our neurology, are supremely adapted to work in specific ways. Some work great at putting themselves out there. Others are great at responding. Others work super well with set rules and patterns. Some get up early some late.

 

Our entire neuology is designed to adapt, overcome and win. If we can train our brains to walk, eat with a spoon, speak, read, dance or use the ipad, we can buld pathways beyond the limits of our past. We can train ourselves to use that dirt road, that will eventually become the autobahn. Be it in telling people about ourselves, be it in managing pain, or divergent brains. We need to treat ourselves gently, and work with how we like working. I’m reward based, and goal based. My love language is acts of service, so that’s what I like receiving when I get on the right pathway.

 

The most important thing I’ve found in training my brain, in expanding that dirt road, is to be aware of my body’s responses. The awareness and connection I have with how I’m feeling.

 

Right now, can feel tension in my shoulders, as I’m slouched at my desk. So I’ve just adjusted, I’m straighter now. This helps me focus better. I did have music on when I started this, it was Nakho and Medicine for the people, but the words were distracting, so I’m now listening to LOFI Star Wars beats. I’m tracking the sensations through my body, my mind and spirt. Where is there a wound or an imbalance.

 

I’m hydrated and caffeinated. I’ve had my supplements that help me focus. Right now, I can feel my tummy digesting my coffee. Coffee that may have been a little strong today. I’m aware of what my heart feels like, my breath, what my butt feels like on the chair, and that bit of sciatica in my left thigh. I can feel the anxiety of posting this starting in the back of my brain, right down at the bottom. And I know I need to funnel that energy into a useful way, not into a ‘don’t bother’ way.

 

Being aware of my sensations, even down to how my internal organs feel is a really powerful way of being aware of what pathways my body, mind and spirit are on.

 

Knowing that I’m tight in my shoulders, means that my breath is shallower, and my tolerance of stress is lower. But if I relax my shoulders, move them, then i can deepen my breath, and my resilience to stress goes up.

 

Being in my body, not focusing on the external, the internal representation of what I’m experiencing helps me be several orders of magnitude better at doing the self-tasking and being aware of how I work.

 

I started to learn how to bring my awareness into my body by using the outside. When I’m in nature there is a peace. I love woodland, and mountains, and the seaside. There is knowing that comes from the smell of the land and water, the sound of the wind and feel of the sun. Our bodies are designed to be outside. Feeling the elements and the sensations of the world. This hits a very primal part of our neurology. Being at ease with being in the woods, allows me to feel what my body is doing. Even when its cold and wet.

 

The sensations I can feel are more primal when I’m cutting wood or making a spoon. Or simply sitting by the fire. This in-your-body feeling makes changing patterns easier. This is because the ability to feel into the movement of energy through my neurology helps me change my behaviour. Being away of my unconscious behaviour, of being on autobahn is easier to spot when I’m in an ecology that suits me.

 

I hope this helps with understanding how I work, and the way I’m working.

 

Where would you be to find the best connection to your self?

 

 

 

 

Big love

 

 

Rich xxx